Merchandising
by Alpha-alien
Summary: Sam has been seeing Decepticons everywhere. Bumblebee assumes it's due to all the excitement that has been happening to the child. But, what happens when he begins seeing scowling crowns from everywhere - even humans? view warnings inside/rating j.i.c.


Something that popped into my head ages ago. I finally managed to get it down and worked out.

A few warnings: I suppose this can be considered a "crack"? It's kind of silly. A bit of OOC, but in line with crack, I guess it's acceptable.

I guess if you want to take a few pieces out of context, there can be a silver lining of Bumblebee/Barricade.

Please keep in mind my main fanfictions (that is, the majority of what I write) are among the "horror" genre, so I'm somewhat of a newbie when I branch outside my comfort zone.

Reviews are nice, and are appreciated.

* * *

Merchandising

Bumblebee was concerned for Sam. The boy had been lacking sleep, and was incredibly jumpy. He said he saw Decepticons everywhere, but 'Bee did his best to calm his friend. The days of summer were fading, and 'Bee had just dropped Sam and Mikaela off at the mall for a movie and "private time". At this time, 'Bee had his holoform, gazing lazily out the window as he drove, and paying special care to details as wind tousled his hair. He sighed, knowing he'd miss the lazy afternoons. Activity had been low, and the base was crowded with bots and humans, itching for any sign of Decepticon activity. 'Bee seemed to be the only one grateful for the peace.

As he was beginning to relax, a flash of purple caught his attention, and 'Bee skidded to a halt. Craning his holo's neck he saw a white Volkswagen drive down, a couple inside smiling and talking. _I'm losing it. Sam's starting to get to you, pal_. He told himself, shaking his head. He could have sworn, though ...

A red light allowed 'Bee to stop and soak in his surroundings. It was noon, and a good majority of the town's adolescent populace were out. He smiled, seeing them talk, hold hands, and share gossip. His smile slowly faded when he noticed something strange. A good portion of them had on hats with a familiar purple insignia. He looked around. It was more than hats; gloves, jackets, purses, bags, cars and bikes. All had the scowling purple crown. 'Bee felt his spark flare. _Could they all ... no, no way._ He found himself pulling over and allowing his holoform to go and approach one group.

"Er, excuse me?" the trio turned. All female, one had a Decepticon hat, another had a Decepticon purse, the other wore a dress with a tiny Decepticon decal on the left breast. "Where, where did you guys get those?" The trio glanced at each other and giggled.

"These are starting to get popular. I'm kind of surprised you haven't noticed them until now." the one in the hat spoke. She took off the head accessory and pointed to the symbol. "They're called ConMarks. A cop around here makes them. Says it's a hobby of his." The one in the dress blushed at the mention of the cop. 'Bee frowned. _A cop?_

"He just hands them out?" The one with the purse shook her head.

"No, he sells them. Pretty cheap I might add." She winked. "He usually comes around this place about this time. If you want to buy something, just wait a bit." She elbowed the girl in the dress. "You just want to see him again, don't you, Mandy?" The girl in question blushed more.

"Karen! It's not like that!" The one in the hat laughed.

"Mandy! The guy's old enough to be your _dad_!" Mandy buried her face in her hands. 'Bee noticed she also had a Decepticon charm on her bracelet. The hat girl shook her head. A loud engine caused the four to look up. A police car turned the corner. 'Bee felt like his spark was on a one-way-trip to his stomach. The sick twisted promise to "punish and enslave" scrawled across the side was conformation. _Barricade?_

The door flung open and an officer stepped out. 'Bee was only partially aware that Mandy took a tentative step back, her hands clasped over her face in an attempt to hide a blush. He was too shocked that the Decepticon had survived. It seemed he had changed holoforms - and 'Bee found himself thinking it was a change for the better, before quickly shooing the thought away like one would a fly. _Now is definitely not the time. I have to tell Prime and the other he survived._ 'Bee was about to have his holoform enter his alt mode, when he heard Barricade's voice.

"It's been a while," he turned his head, and looked up at Barricade's holo, as he took off his sunglasses. Did he have to give his holo those piercing red eyes? The "cop" smiled down at the boy. "You're not even going to say 'hello'? That's rather rude, scout." 'Bee could Barricade's glare from his alt mode, but instead of making a run, stood his ground.

"Sorry. I've got something I have to do." he said. Barricade glared down, and grabbed the younger by the arm.

"Not this time." He smiled. "Stay and chat. I'm sure your processor is spinning with questions." he whispered, before pulling the scout towards the cruiser. The girls were whispering, obviously teasing Mandy about her crush.

"But, he's so handsome!" Mandy protested.

"Doesn't change the fact he's still old enough to be your dad!" the girl in the hat, grinning as she poked her friend's red cheek. Mandy swatted the girl's hand away just as 'Bee and Barricade returned.

"Hello, ladies." Barricade smiled, his eyes falling on Mandy. "Now, sweetheart, I don't have anything new. I don't know why you keep coming back." Mandy's friends giggled, causing the young woman to blush a shade of red 'Bee had no idea humans could muster.

"Oh, well I, er, I, uh," Mandy soon found interest in her feet, finding her voice was refusing to cooperate. Barricade laughed.

"So, Officer Cade," the girl in the hat smiled, standing in front of her friend, giving the girl time to recover, "You got what I asked for?" she had a hopeful look in her eyes. The officer frowned.

"What you asked for? Oh," He walked over to the trunk, as it popped open, and pulled out a bag. On it was the Decepticon symbol. 'Bee frowned, seeing the teen's eyes light up.

"Oh, thank you!" She hurried forward and took the bag, handing Barricade some money. "My brother will love this!" She looked up at Barricade and smiled.

"Send him my regards. You girls take care, now." The trio waved and left, Mandy being dragged by Karen while the hat girl seemed to be teasing her more.

"What are you really up to?" 'Bee finally asked. Barricade looked over. The scout glared up at him, and Barricade laughed.

"You're not very good at intimidation with that baby face, kid." he said, touseling the scout's hair. 'Bee slapped his hand way, still waiting for an answer. _I'm surprised I'm not dead, yet._

"It's called Merchandising." the officer said, at last. 'Bee blinked.

"Merchandising?" He linked up to the internet and found a definition.

_Sales promotion as a comprehensive function including market research, development of new products, coordination of manufacture and marketing, and effective advertising and selling_.

"So, you're just pushing the Decepticon insignia like a label?" 'Bee was utterly confused. Barricade shrugged.

"Those girls liked the design, asked if they could get customized things. It just caught on." Barricade scratched the side of his face. 'Bee shook his head.

"That doesn't make sense. Why are you doing it?" Barricade smiled.

"All these Decepticon insignias floating around, Autobots on edge, c'mon, kid. You're not that stupid." Realization clicked within 'Bee's processor. _With all those symbols, it'll cause confusion. We'll have to rely more on energy detection rather than finding that insignia hidden on a possible alt mode. _Barricade seemed to have read his mind, for he nodded, and fished something out of the trunk.

"Go ahead and tell your little Autobot pals I'm still online," He tossed a hat at Bumblebee, who caught it. Like the girl's hat, this one was decorated with that purple mark. "It'll make the summer far more enjoyable." Getting back into his vehicle, Barricade's engine revved, as if issuing a challenge, and drove off.

Sam and Mikaela hurried inside Bumblebee, the rain from the sudden storm caused their clothing and hair to stick to their skins. Their faces were shining with smiles, loving the warm greeting from Bumblebee's heater. Sam placed his hands on the wheel, and 'Bee drove off down the road.

"So, do anything interesting while we were busy?" Sam asked, leaning his head back. 'Bee sighed.

"Not really." Mikaela turned, placing her shopping bag in the back seat and stopped.

"Hey, 'Bee?" Mikaela turned around, holding the black hat. "Where'd you get this from?" Sam looked over and froze. The purple crown scowled back at him. Bumblebee chortled.

"It's the newest fad. I'm surprised you two haven't caught on, yet."

"Bumblebee!"


End file.
